What happened to Dr. Robin?January 27, 2008 at 10:00 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
Gee, it’s only been two years since my last post, not bad. I’ve been, you know, busy. Or disinterested. Or distracted. Or something. It’s been quite a ride since my world changed in 2006. I want to tell you about it, it’s a great story (of course, it’s about ME, so it naturally is a great story). A couple of years ago, I realized that I was fatigued, in constant pain, worn out, bored, and no longer interested in my work. In short, I was totally burned out. I had practiced chiropractic, natural medicine, acupuncture, herbology and all that goes along with all that for 15 years and had just given too much of myself without refueling enough to keep going. The parts were just starting to wear out and needed replacing, recharging, renewing, and relaxing.
During that time, while practicing at the Wild Basin location, I went to visit a friend in Dallas who took me to a seminar on investing. Now, the seminar was interesting, but I wasn’t sure it was a good route for me. However, what it did do for me was open my mind to the concept that perhaps there was a profession out there for me other than chiropractic, something other than what I was currently doing. I had such an identity of myself as a doctor, healer, educator, worker, nit-picker, rescuer, service provider, and clinic owner that it was hard to see anything else. Anyway, I came home from that visit on a Sunday night, and decided to declare something for my own psyche. I decided to put a toe in the water and declare to the Universe that I was open to another path. I had no idea what the path might be, and figured that I had plenty of time to be shown (or try to figure it out, as I am wont to do, much to my demise). I went to my alumni association website, where they had a small classified ad page. There I listed my practice for sale anonymously, with just a small 2-3 line ad without much detail. Since I wasn’t really ready to sell it yet – this was just my declaration of openness to something new. Truthfully, I hadn’t thought past that moment – I didn’t even think about what to do with the inquiries. It was all about ME, of course!
Over the next 36 hours, I had six serious inquires for purchasing the practice. More surprisingly than that, I sold it 48 hours later! The Universe brought the exact type of person I had pictured would be right for taking over my precious patients, and she offered full price and was ready to sign! Over the next six months, we negotiated, trained, interned and transferred ownership; giving me time to get used to the idea and her time to get to know my practice style and approach.
I have to admit, this took my breath away. I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening; I think part of it was shock and part of it was fear that I might jinx something if I leaked any energy out by talking about it. Once the ink had dried on the paperwork, I felt myself breath again and become willing to open up to close friends who would understand my process.
I truly felt like the Universe was just sitting there waiting for me to make the decision to change, to choose something new, to move in the right direction, and all I had to do was finally allow it to happen. At the time, my Mind thought “I’m not ready! This is too soon, I’m not prepared financially, I haven’t made arrangements for this, I can’t do this yet.” My heart, though, knew that it was being offered to me on a silver platter and to deny it was to deny God’s Plan (you know – Thy will, not my will, be done). I went with my heart, obviously.
So for all of you out there in the world of the web, all you knew was that my website got really sloppy. I took down all means of communicating with me except email – no address, no phone, no location info. The site looks horrible – outdated, things on the first page that aren’t supposed to be there, lack of attention in all areas, links that don’t work, OUTDATED BLOGS….I abandoned everyone to take care of myself.
I realized that I’m not all that good at taking care of myself, you know? I really thought I was, but I learned that I’m not. I immediately jumped into helping my Sweetie with his photographic business – and ended up working more hours at that than I had been as a doctor! And this went on for over a year! What was I thinking? Or not thinking? I’m so easily sucked into service for others at the expense of myself, which is exactly why I burned out. I was learning boundaries around patient care and the practice, but I still had much more to learn – because even though I made some external boundaries, I didn’t make them internally. Anytime something was requested of me, I either did it or felt bad for not doing it….either way, I used up my energy. And plenty of times, I offered to do something that wasn’t even asked of me – I felt obligated for some strange reason, or I wanted to win approval. Without asking for anything in return. Not selflessly, though – mind you, I’m no Mother Teresa – it was with burgeoning resentments that tasks were performed.
So a lot of you out there have emailed, and others heard through the grapevine, that I had “retired”. Others just wondered why the heck there wasn’t a way to find me – I have all this great educational information available, with no way to do anything about it. I’ll let you know more about that in my next entry.
Anyway, the last year and a half has been one of great introspection, opportunities for change and growth, resistance and movement all at the same time. I totally shut the door to being a health care provider in the effort to really recharge and recognize who I am without any preconceived notions. That’s a pretty tough task, though I’ve never shied away from something just because it was hard. My identity as a doctor was gone, my identity as a sought-after speaker was gone, my identity as “the star of the show” was gone, my identity…was gone. I tried on several hats, some of which fit for a while, and some of which didn’t fit at all. I’m sure I shall continue to try on hats – some of them look damn good and are very seductive, and some of them I think look great on me but everyone else is wondering why I would wear such an ugly thing. Some of the hats I never put on are hats that others think would look great on me but I don’t like them. And many more hats are still undiscovered. I hope to have a huge hat collection in my world someday. Keep checking back – I’m ready to change my world.